For some reason, I can’t keep my eyes off the short loop. There’s beauty in nature and in daily experiences. I think most people depend on others or a lot of money to feel this happiness, but I think, happiness is always a state of mind.
"... being able to spurt things into written sentences still feels therapeutic, but my mind is a constant jumbled mess— and i feel like words can no longer accurately describe even in a succinct manner how it feels to be growing up into who i am now instead of who i've always wanted to be, because the worst feeling in the world is to accept and let others recognize that you are turning into someone else you never dream of.
but here i am again. feeling a bit despondent with all the bits of things in life at the moment, especially when everything seems to be going against my better judgment. it's strange, isn't it? no matter how many times i steer away from this quiet writing space, i always find myself here. i am not displaced, maybe the world just overwhelms me sometimes. you know that sinking feeling of being slowly sucked into a quicksand pit, left unnoticed, and helplessly forced to watch everyone around you walking away, going about their lives? you can only wish you are not too far gone for a hand— any hand to plunge you down from the abyss. whenever i find myself on the cusp of an emotional collapse, i either clean, or sleep. it somewhat feels relishing to at least put everything on the surface back where it belongs, even if it's only temporary. more often than not i find myself crying to sleep, like it's the most natural thing in world. and when i'm through with that in the morning, i chastise myself for being an ungrateful wretch i am. perhaps i'm the lucky one after all, because i can still sleep at night, even if i don't want to."
"... being able to spurt things into written sentences still feels therapeutic, but my mind is a constant jumbled mess— and i feel like words can no longer accurately describe even in a succinct manner how it feels to be growing up into who i am now instead of who i've always wanted to be, because the worst feeling in the world is to accept and let others recognize that you are turning into someone else you never dream of.
but here i am again. feeling a bit despondent with all the bits of things in life at the moment, especially when everything seems to be going against my better judgment. it's strange, isn't it? no matter how many times i steer away from this quiet writing space, i always find myself here. i am not displaced, maybe the world just overwhelms me sometimes. you know that sinking feeling of being slowly sucked into a quicksand pit, left unnoticed, and helplessly forced to watch everyone around you walking away, going about their lives? you can only wish you are not too far gone for a hand— any hand to plunge you down from the abyss. whenever i find myself on the cusp of an emotional collapse, i either clean, or sleep. it somewhat feels relishing to at least put everything on the surface back where it belongs, even if it's only temporary. more often than not i find myself crying to sleep, like it's the most natural thing in world. and when i'm through with that in the morning, i chastise myself for being an ungrateful wretch i am. perhaps i'm the lucky one after all, because i can still sleep at night, even if i don't want to."
