From Now On

so I've hurt myself through someone now i am continuing to hurt myself without someone too. 
lay down with me
tell me no lies
just hold me close, don't patronize

'cause I can't make you love me if you don't
you can't make your heart feel something it won't
here in the dark, in these final hours
i will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
but you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
the love you don't feel when you're holding me

morning will come and I'll do what's right
just give me till then to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight
probably
if something so beautiful makes you this miserable,

you are the problem.

it's true what they said,
you are the problem.
i realize there is no different between me now,
and me 4 years ago.



who am i kidding?

what a pathetic human being.
and I have to start over again, always again.
all raw skin and exposed nerve endings,
and it makes me so tired.
sometimes, just for a moment,
i wish I didn’t have to do it anymore;
start over again, be so tired.
i wish it would all stop.

—
My days are a struggle,
even my dreams are painful.


i just want
for once
being loved
way too much
to the point where i'm suffocated by it.

i just want
for once
to not be afraid
to lose the love i get.


all the red lights in front of me and i only see blue. all the blue marks on myself, but i can feel colours.  i am still falling into our memories. they warm me up from the outside but break me from the inside. but isn't that one of the strange things about hearts? that they break and then forgive.
I had a dream my life would be
so different from this hell I'm living
so different now from what it seemed
now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
when i decided to live my dream
i thought that from now on,
my life would be a dark tunnel,
in which i walk alone.

but
i didnt realize,
how dark it would be,

and i didnt know
how lonely i would be.
Sad,
that I'd let you kill me.

Happy,
that you haven't.

so I've hurt myself through someone now i am continuing to hurt myself without someone too. 
lay down with me
tell me no lies
just hold me close, don't patronize

'cause I can't make you love me if you don't
you can't make your heart feel something it won't
here in the dark, in these final hours
i will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
but you won't, no you won't
'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
the love you don't feel when you're holding me

morning will come and I'll do what's right
just give me till then to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight
probably
if something so beautiful makes you this miserable,

you are the problem.

it's true what they said,
you are the problem.
i realize there is no different between me now,
and me 4 years ago.



who am i kidding?

what a pathetic human being.
and I have to start over again, always again.
all raw skin and exposed nerve endings,
and it makes me so tired.
sometimes, just for a moment,
i wish I didn’t have to do it anymore;
start over again, be so tired.
i wish it would all stop.

—
My days are a struggle,
even my dreams are painful.


i just want
for once
being loved
way too much
to the point where i'm suffocated by it.

i just want
for once
to not be afraid
to lose the love i get.


all the red lights in front of me and i only see blue. all the blue marks on myself, but i can feel colours.  i am still falling into our memories. they warm me up from the outside but break me from the inside. but isn't that one of the strange things about hearts? that they break and then forgive.
I had a dream my life would be
so different from this hell I'm living
so different now from what it seemed
now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
when i decided to live my dream
i thought that from now on,
my life would be a dark tunnel,
in which i walk alone.

but
i didnt realize,
how dark it would be,

and i didnt know
how lonely i would be.
Sad,
that I'd let you kill me.

Happy,
that you haven't.

tania
nineteen.
an unstable college student

enjoy walking leisurely and occasional junk food
tend to shy away from confrontation
love looking at cute things and clean visual art

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